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  • Melinda K. Bowens

So, what if I...actually asked?

I don’t like to ask for help…or feedback…or suggestions…or advice…or anything that would make it seem as though I don’t have it all together. Or at least, I didn’t like doing those things.

My mom is most likely somewhere nodding her head in vigorous agreement, silently mouthing “I told you, I told you, I told you!” If you’re someone who has been on the receiving end of my infamous “I’m stubborn, not deaf” comment (I’ve said that many many times like it was perfectly okay), then you probably just had a not so pleasant flashback. My bad. But the picture I’m trying to paint here is that I could be incredibly, ummmm, strong willed. Yep, strong willed is how we could describe it (immovable and prideful are probably better words, but whatever). And keeping with the flow of honesty in this blog, I can still be all of those things (so don’t push it)…but with a bit more reflection these days.


Now, being a person who is determined isn’t a bad thing. Determined people are world-changing people. However, being a person who is determined to do everything alone is problematic. Can you imagine trying to change the entire world solo? I mean, Black Panther and Wonder Woman have me feeling really inspired these days, but I’m also missing a few things they possessed. But I digress.

It’s probably important to point out that I didn’t prefer to do things alone, I just really preferred doing things my way. By default, that logic sometimes left me doing things alone because I didn’t like to listen and/or change my plans. While I was typing out that sentence, I could think of all the times I’ve made life that much harder because I didn’t want input from anyone else. Or the number of projects that took three (or 10) times as long because I didn’t want anyone to think I couldn’t nail it on my own (I’m ridiculously competitive by the way). On more than one occasion, my mom found me asleep with my head on on a table because I refused to ask for help, but was determined to finish. That’s right, I started pulling all-nighters in the second grade. Seven-year-old me was clearly ruthless.


Much like me asleep at those tables, many of us are full out exhausted from believing we could do it all alone *in my Effie from Dreamgirls voice*. We have great ideas, the best intentions and even bigger hopes for the future, but we are tired. We have reinvented the wheel countless times because we didn’t want to ask for the blueprint that someone would have readily given us. So, I have a question to ask…

How tired is tired enough to do something different?

If that level of tired hasn’t come yet, I hope it comes soon. Because the breakout moment we’re hoping will happen is on the other end of the question we’re refusing to ask. Every answer may not be yes, but we don’t need all the yeses, we just need the right yes.


Question of the day:

How would your life look different if you asked for help?

Encouraging Verses:

Ask, and you will receive; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks will receive, and anyone who seeks will find, and the door will be opened to those who knock.

Matthew 7:7-8 GNT

I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours.

Mark 11:23-24 NLT

You ask and don't receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.

James 4:3 CSB

But when you ask for something, you must have faith and not doubt. Anyone who doubts is like an ocean wave tossed around in a storm.

James 1:6 CEV

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