I Decided Against It All...
Allow me to reintroduce myself…my name is (if you didn’t yell “Hov,” we really need to talk about your fun level in life). But let me stop stalling and get to why we’re here right now.
So, what have I been up to? Great question!
Well, in the past 90 days I have…
-Quit my big girl job
-Pretty much set my five-year plan on fire (you can still see the smoke if you look carefully)
-And don’t really have an answer to the question “so what are you doing now?!”
Now, do not take any of that as a sign from the Lord that you need to go turn in your own two-week notice and end up homeless on my account; I’m merely updating you on what’s been happening over here. Isn’t it nice to know that I haven’t lost my sense of humor in this rather lengthy hiatus?!
If this is your first time to my blog, welcome family!!! Let me give you a little bit of back story for my new people and some stuff for my vets. I started this blog as space to focus on becoming “Unjunked.” What does that even mean?! In the course of life, we pick up so many things that stay with us a lifetime. More than physically, but also spiritually and emotionally. This arena was created to give me (and anyone who wanted to join me) the opportunity to evaluate what’s really growing inside. Because we must be honest and understand we ARE developing into something every day, so it’ll be nice to have a handle on what that something (or someone) is.
Here’s where the updates come into play. While I love writing (even writing this post brings me a joy I hope you feel from the words on the page), I am also super critical of myself and will critique myself right into not starting at all (which is whack, btw). I had so many ideas of rebranding, changing my website, wiping my social media and making it all pretty and influencer-like, the works y’all! But it didn’t quite feel like me and I never really started any of it. I’m not quite sure of what your perception of me is, but I’ve really seen myself as the “perfect filter over a curated post” kinda girl. I honestly didn’t know where to start because I was starting with something was nice, but not real (which defeats the purpose of this entire blog really). But more than writing and the blog, life was beginning to feel a lot like that as well.
I had an amazing job, better coworkers than most people can pray for, and the opportunity to parlay this into one heck of a career. Great people, steady income and the flexibility to pursue outside interest, all the millennial dreams. But something about it all started to not feel like me. A bit of a foggy existence, in an otherwise well-manicured life (I use the term well loosely here). And to know me is to know I have operated on some sort of life plan since I was about 17 years old. If you don’t believe me, someone go find the Union Springs Herald printed after May 22, 2006. I was the high school class historian (and my bestie was the salutatorian) and they printed our “plans for the future” in the local paper. My plan after my graduation is eerily accurate to this day, because I was clearly born this way (as my mother and brother nod in unsolicited agreement).
But in my in my biggest faith decision yet, I said no…I decided against it all.
I decided against what looks good and stable for the great, but yet really unknown. Now, I don’t mean I decided anything. I personally believe slow and steady wins the race every single time (don’t debate me). I mean that as, I clearly heard God saying this was my last year in this particular career position. I wanted to write it off and discard that nudge I felt inside. Maybe I had watched one too many episodes of Criminal Minds or Chicago P.D. and felt uncharacteristically bold, because this is NOT (I repeat NOT) my style. I only do risks that have been mulled over for about four to six business months, possibly longer (I said what I said). But here I am…risking it all.
I wanted to use mostly present tense in writing this post because there is not a grand conclusion coming in the next few sentences. I’m still mid-leap. Your guess is as good as mine on what shakes out from these decisions. I’m only sure that these were the right decisions. As I have been praying more intentionally than I can ever remember, God reminds me that I am only responsible for making the next right decision.
It’s not complicated and quietly the simplest my life has been in years. One step at a time, on a path that is already created for me.
So, what is next?!
Well, my answer hasn’t changed from the beginning of this post, I still don’t know. God has already provided for me in several ways (so please don’t call my mom out of concern or start a GoFundMe, I’m good)! But I do know that myself, this blog, and everything to follow will take a turn towards rebuilding in authenticity to best serve His people.
Nothing perfect. Just real.
I hope you follow along with me and gain something that reaches your soul each time. Love ya!